Submitted by: Sarah
ok so i like this guy but he has a girlfriend we have kissed and he says he likes me alot even more then his girlfriend but he doesnt know what to do he has been with this girl for so long because no one elce liked him but now that i do he doesnt knw what to do he has been with this girl for so long that i think hes scared of the unknown like if its a mistake if he should stay with his girl or if he should try something new...what do i do?
Sarah, When we guys are dating a girl and hooking up with another one that means one of two things: we don't really care about either girl, or we're confident that we can play both sides to our advantage. Either way, the situation usually ends up hurting all three people involved.
If you want him to break up with his girlfriend so you guys can be together, then stop hooking up with him. It sounds backwards, but as soon as you stop hooking up with us guys, we'll get curious and start to question what went wrong. If we ask, just be honest and tell us you don't want to be the 'other girl' anymore. Don't give us an ultimatum, don't tell us guys "it's her or me" because we'll take that as a threat. But if you stop hooking up with us, it tells us guys that you want to be taken seriously. It's not a threat, it's a statement. This will also let you know whether us guys were serious about you in the first place, or if we just thought you were a great kisser.
Keep this in mind, too. When we guys are hooking up with two girls at the same time that usually means that we're not committed to either, and we probably never will be. He might be in a transition period in his life-- like your guy is afraid to break up with the first girl that's ever liked him--but if that's the case, then he's not ready for the next relationship in his life either (the one with you). Guys like us need a while (especially after a big relationship) to figure out what went wrong and what to look for in the next girl. That takes time and space to figure out. If we hop straight into another relationship it usually won't last because of this. If you end up being the girl to break us out of a relationship we'll appreciate that, but at the same time, we probably won't last too long with you, because we guys won't know what we want at that stage.
And that's the best thing you can give your guy: time and space. Stop hooking up with him and be honest about it. If a girl does that, we guys will start to figure out what it is we want. If he decides to stick with his girlfriend, then there's nothing you can do about it. If he decides to go with you, then great. But if we guys have a girlfriend, and a girl to hook up with on the side, we're not going to choose between them unless we have to. The best way to do this is to back off, give us space, and make us choose.
It all comes down to this, Sarah: odds are, if we guys are hooking up with a girl outside of our current relationship, then we're not ready to be serious with anyone, whether they're our girlfriends or not.
Comments