Submitted by: Sara
"I have been dateing this guy for 9 months now. When we first started dateing neither of us were wanting a serious relationship.. But after 4 months I did. He kept tellin me that I knew from the beginning that he wasn't ready for girlfriend. He was burned by his ex fiance and ex girlfriend pretty bad and he did admit to not being over them but I have tried to give himspace but he ran back to me and ocouldnt let me go. I know he's not seeing anyone else and we are way more together that I have ever been with a past boyfriend!! if I try to bring up our relationship status , we end fighting. What is all this mean? Shoukld I wait on him or just give him a final ultamatitum? I'm ready togive my whole heart to him but I need the label. Its like he's afraid of the "boyfriend label". Worst of all, he's like my best friend now, so loseing him is going to be so hard"
Guys will always shy away from labels. With us guys labels mean putting a lot on the line publicly. It sounds like this guy has just had his heart broken a few times and he's reluctant to put himself out there so boldly quite yet. Granted, most guys will have come around after six months or so, but often times the more reluctant we are, the more we are scared to lose what we already have. We shy away from labels when we're nervous about just how serious we might be with a woman and nervous about what we might be admitting to ourselves and everyone else. In short, it sounds like this guy has cold feet.
We guys don't handle break ups well because we have a lot of pride in ourselves and in the relationships that mean a lot to us. It's hard when a girlfriend that breaks up with us, but even harder when it's a fiancé because if we've asked you to marry us then we've really put our reputation on the line. After a heartbreak like that we'll be more timid on the next go around. That means we'll take it slower with labels. After all, you can't break up with us if we were never your boyfriend, right? It makes sense to us.
Never give us guys an ultimatum. If you us the choice to say we're your boyfriend or to move on, you might be scared what the answer is. And it won't be because we don't care about you, but because you just put our pride on the line. If the label of calling him a 'boyfriend' is more important than the relationship you currently have with him, then your relationship isn't going to work. We guys are stubborn and if you put your foot down, we will too.
Keep this in mind, too. Just like he's scared to get a label, it sounds like you're scared not to have one. Relationships no matter what the label are a two way street and you might be pushing your insecurities on him. But again, nine months is a long time, and it sounds like he's just scared.
The best thing you can is to wait it out. He's already your boyfriend in everything but name, and I bet all of his friends and all of your friends, know exactly what you two are (you're both exclusive, each others' best friends, no matter what you call it, you're girlfriend and boyfriend in everything but name). Now you just have to wait for him to come around and see it, too. If you can, it'll mean that much more when he calls himself your boyfriend.
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