Submitted by: Whitney
"My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years and last year he joined the Navy. I never knew that was his calling. So now I have myself a long distance relationship, but that's not even the worst of my problems. I recently found out that I was somewhat of the rebound girl some 3 years ago. This girl I can't stand, she asked me for advice on how to get back with my bf, after he had broken up with her. He stopped talking to the ex for a good year while we were dating. The second year however, they started talking again. My boyfriend and I are very close and really have never had a fight over anything but the ex. We talk on a weekly basis now that he's gone, but when he comes back, when we aren't hanging out, he's with the ex. He says they're just friends but I know she is not over him and probably never will be. She uses the fact that they hang out to try and make me jealous. It's starting to piss me off because he doesn't understand that she is driving me crazy. He says he's sorry she acts that way but she is still one of his close friends... What do you suggest I do or what can I say to him without coming off as the jealous girlfriend?"
We guys will always talk to girls, even ones that aren’t our girlfriends. You can’t blame your boyfriend for hanging out with other people, even girls, especially in a long distance relationship. Guys like to be assured that there are other options out there, and attention from a girl (including exs) remind us that we’re not stuck in a relationship, but that we choose to be in a relationship. We guys also like another woman to talk to when we’re worried about the relationship we’re in, either because we aren’t sure it’s right for us, or because we’re getting ready to make a big decision and want another girl to talk about it with. She may still have feelings for him and you may not like her, but that shouldn’t matter if you trust him.
Guys like us don’t respond to confrontation about this though. If you bring her up, then we’ll only see that as you being overbearing and an argument will almost certainly occur. He knows how you feel about her and he’s made his choice: he’s going to hang out with her.
The best way you can get us guys to pay attention to you is if you play hard to get. Whether you’re trying to get a guys attention at the bar or you’ve been dating the same man for three years, for us guys nothing works better. Let him hang out with her. Pretend it doesn’t bother you. Go out with your own friends, girls or guys. This shows us that you trust us, and as soon as you start to pull away we’ll see how much fun you are and come running back. It’s not perfect, but that’s how we guys operate: we grab onto the things we’re afraid we might lose.
That all said, if you have a feel like you can’t trust him then it won’t last. When we’re confronted about something and we get defensive it doesn’t always mean we’re hiding something, but if he knows she’s dead set on getting back together with him and he’s insistent on hanging out with her, watch out. We military guys spend a lot of time away in stressful situations and we’ll look for comfort wherever we can, girlfriend or just a girl if we feel like we can get away with it. If you feel like that’s the case, then let this ship sail.
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